How to disagree (at camp or in the real world)
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It’s all about kids today
Let’s talk about Gaga.
Almost anywhere else in the world, you hear the word and you’re thinking Poker Face or A Star is Born (hopefully not Joker 2). But you all are camp folks, so you know what I’m talking about.
The dirt floor, the wooden boards, and the life & death stakes happening inside The Pit.
And if you’ve spent more than 10 minutes in and around this area, you KNOW the arguments:
“You can’t double touch!”
“That hit me on my thigh, not below my knee!”
“The ball hit the side before it went over the wall!”
“I want to play Ring of Fire, not Ultimate!”
And Gaga is just the obvious battleground. Walk ten feet in any direction at camp, and you’ll stumble into some other disagreement territory.
I’ve seen campers disagree on camp songs like they were arguing nuclear missile treaties or even higher stakes, Kendrick vs. Drake (and they might be actually arguing Kendrick vs. Drake).
The point is: camp is basically Disagreement Central.
We pack a bunch of kids with different backgrounds, opinions, and energy levels into shared spaces, and then we’re somehow surprised when they don’t agree on everything.
While the rest of the world seems to be kinda (definitely) getting worse at disagreeing productively, camp might be one of the few places left where kids are actually getting better at it.
Think about it. Where else do young people:
Live in small cabins with people they didn’t choose
Have to solve problems without walking away
Make group decisions multiple times a day
Navigate differences without adults solving everything for them
We’ve accidentally created the perfect laboratory for practicing healthy disagreement, and yup such a thing can still very much exist.
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Now, back to disagreeing
More Disagreement Than Ever?
I dunno if you’ve noticed, but the whole “disagree without becoming mortal enemies” thing? Society seems pretty terrible at it right now.
Social media algorithms reward “CrAzY eXtReMe” statements. News networks know outrage = ratings. And politicians are gonna politician.
The result? A bunch of different places where even small disagreements can quickly turn nuclear. Mention favorite pizza toppings (pineapple slaps btw) or Star Wars sequels online and watch how fast someone suggests you deserve jail time.
Look, I’m not saying camp alone will fix all this (though literally when the world gets the most crazy they go to CAMP David). But camp has something most places don’t: a microcosm where disagreement happens inside community.
The stakes are real to the kids. Whether they get to play Capture the Flag vs. Kickball matters deeply to them in the moment. Who sits where at lunch feels hella important. Which song closes the campfire? That’s practically constitutional law to a 12-year-old.
But unlike much of the outside world, these disagreements happen in a space:
Where they see each other’s humanity daily
Where walking away completely isn’t an option
Where adults model productive conflict resolution
Where there’s a shared goal beyond “winning the argument”
When kids don’t learn these skills, we get what we’re seeing everywhere: people who either avoid conflict entirely or turn every disagreement into an identity battle.
Neither works great for functioning communities.
When they DO learn these skills? They become people who can hold their ground without trashing others. Who can listen without abandoning their own values. Who understand that disagreement doesn’t have to mean disconnection.
And I’m all about just saying the quiet parts loud to kids, staff, adults, whoever. There’s just better ways to go about this.
Enemies to Allies
We’ve seen it play out a hundred times.
Day 1: Two campers can’t agree on anything. Who gets the top bunk? What activity to do? Where to sit at meals.
Fast forward to session end: they’re freaking inseparable. Not because they suddenly agree on everything (whispers: they don’t!) but because something fundamental shifted.
They paddled the same canoe through a rainstorm. They helped each other on the high ropes course. They stayed up late talking about their families, Marvel movies, Pokemon, or how many perogies they ate at dinner.
This is connection BEFORE conflict.
It’s something of the secret sauce making camp different from a random IG comment section or even the standard school classroom. By the time big disagreements happen, kids already have a foundation of shared experiences. They’ve seen each other at their best and, yeah, their worst too.
The beauty is, none of this requires kids to abandon their positions. They just learn that navigating differences isn’t a battle to be won. It’s a puzzle to be solved together.
In this way, lived experience >>> lectures.
Now, imagine for like two seconds if we could bottle that process and take it everywhere else.
The HEAR Framework
So what can we actually DO to help kids (and yeah, ourselves too) get better at productive disagreement?
I’m all about trying the HEAR framework with staff.
Super simple:
H - Hedge: Soften your stance slightly. Not wishy-washy, just opening the door to conversation. “I could be wrong, but…” “This is just my perspective, but…” “I’m still thinking this through, but…”
E - Emphasize Agreement: Find the common ground first. There’s almost always a shared goal beneath the disagreement. “We both want our cabin to win Spirit Night…” “I know we all want everyone to have fun…” “We’re all trying to figure out the fairest way to…”
A - Acknowledge Differences: Name the actual disagreement respectfully. Be specific. “I see your point about wanting to play basketball, while I’m thinking kickball might work better because…” “I understand you want to try a different approach than what I suggested…”
R - Reframe Toward Action: Move from debate to solution. “What if we tried…” “Maybe there’s a way we could…” “Would you be open to…”
Staff can get down on this method using role-plays based on real camp scenarios.
This is inspired by Julia Minton’s work on Conversational Receptiveness. The leading research on how to get people to listen to you is to prove that you are listening to them. AND it spreads even if the other folks don’t know anything about the science.
Then they practice all summer, and we all know there will be tons of time to practice. Camper disputes, activity decisions, and their own staff blowups (you can def picture these).
For younger campers, we simplify: “Use ‘I feel’ statements” and “Find one thing you agree on first.”
For teens, just straight up teach the framework directly and watch them use their own (sometimes more sophisticated) versions of it.
Don’t have to memorize every step and have it go super smoothly each time, just set it up so there’s a repetition where relationships matter more than being right.
Beyond the Gaga Pit
Camp is the perfect disagreement laboratory.
We’ve got shared living, diverse perspectives, and common goals. And it’s all without the escape hatches of smartphones or separate bedrooms when things get crazy tense.
These skills don’t stay at camp either. They travel home to dinner tables, cafeterias, sports fields, clubs, dances, everywhere. Plus, they show up in college dorms and future workplaces. In a world increasingly sorted neatly into echo chambers, campers learn to engage across differences while maintaining relationships.
This might actually be the most valuable Hidden Curriculum we offer. Not the songs or the s’mores (though those are sweet). But the ability to say “I disagree with you, and I still care about you.”
I really want to get intentional about this, training staff to recognize these moments. Giving them the language and the tools to get there.
Teaching kids to disagree productively isn’t just a nice camp skill. It’s total prep for the world.
And if that means mediating (eyeroll, another) debate about whether double-touching in Gaga should be banned… well, yeah, that’s a small price to pay.
You got this,
Jack
Get my newsletter every week.
It’s all about kids today
Jack Schott
Summer Camp Evangelist