What Questions Should I Ask a Sleepaway Camp Director?

"What else should I be asking you?"

A mom asked me that at the end of a call last spring. We'd been on the phone for 40 minutes. She'd done her homework. She still felt like she was missing something.

Most parents feel that way. Camp websites all look the same. Every camp you're looking at will be safe and accredited. So the phone call is where you learn something.

These are the questions parents asked me on the phone this year, mostly in their words. For most of them, here's what a good answer sounds like and how I answer it.

The People

1. How many kids are in a bunk, and how many counselors?

Parents ask this first. It's the right place to start.

Good answer: a number, fast. Ask every camp the same question and line the numbers up.

How I answer it: 6 to 8 kids, with 2 or 3 counselors. We're small on purpose.

2. Who's the real grown-up when a counselor isn't enough?

Nobody asked me this one. Everyone should.

Counselors are amazing. I'd put ours up against any staff in the country. But they're 18, 19, 20 years old. Sometimes a kid needs a real grown-up.

Good answer: a name, and how often that person sees your kid.

How I answer it: Division leaders. They're year-round staff in their late 20s, and they live with the kids. And me. I eat meals at the kids' tables every day.

3. How many staff come back? How many were campers?

A mom who went to camp herself asked me this. Sharp question.

You want real percentages. Staff who come back love the place. Staff who were campers already know what it's like to not find your toothbrush on day one.

At our camp, about half the counselors were campers. Another 30% worked last summer. About 20% are new.

4. Do counselors use their phones around the kids?

You're listening for a rule and a consequence.

Ours is no phones where kids can see them. Period. A couple of summers ago, parents told us staff were on their phones too much. So we made it cost an extra night on duty. The phones disappeared fast.

The First Week

5. What happens when my kid is crying and homesick the first night?

Almost word for word from a mom of a 10-year-old boy.

Good answer: a story about a real kid, including the part where they texted the parent.

Watch for: "It's normal, they get over it." True. Not an answer.

How I answer it: I tell the story of a boy I sat with in the health center his first night. He was so nervous he'd skipped lunch. I texted his mom from right there. She told me he hadn't eaten all day, so we got him food. By day three he was in it. By Color War he was leading his team's cheer.

I made a short video on homesickness:

6. If things are hard, will you tell me? Or not until it's bad?

The answer you want is yes. Old-school camp ran on "no news is good news," and that doesn't cut it anymore. If a director says some version of "once your kid is here, they're ours," keep looking.

We're a team. Especially that first summer, you know your kid way better than we do.

7. What's it like for a brand-new camper? Do they just get thrown in?

A mom asked me this about her son.

Good answer: they learn about your kid before day one. There's a plan for the first few days, not only a schedule.

How I answer it: We learn what your kid loves and load the first days with it. Every first-year boy gets a 15-year-old big brother who checks on him all summer. Same for the girls.

8. How do calls, letters, and photos work?

Logistics, but it tells you a lot. You want a set schedule and a real person you can reach in between.

Our photos go up at 10 and 7, so you're not refreshing all day. First call home is about 10 days in. And you get my cell. Have a nightmare at 2 AM? Text me. I'll send you a picture of your kid smiling on the way to breakfast.

When It Gets Hard

9. Tell me about the last time a kid got left out.

A dad asked me this one, and his version was better than mine. What did it look like the last time you had a camper who was othered, either because they were the instigator or because the other kids just didn't take to them?

One of the best questions I got all year. The question I get most is "how do you prevent mean girls or bullying?" Every director has a good answer to that one. Ask for the last time instead.

Good answer: a specific kid (no name), what the counselor did, who they pulled in, and when they called home.

How I answer it: A 12-year-old girl last summer felt left out of her group. Her counselor listened first. Then a division leader sat down with her and the one girl she was struggling with. Mostly a miscommunication. We called her mom so she wouldn't be surprised by a letter. Good rest of the summer.

10. How are bunks made? Same kids every year?

Listen for a reason, not only a policy.

We mix bunks every year on purpose. You get one mutual request. By 15, we want every kid to have 15 to 25 close friends, not one cool bunk and one not-cool bunk.

What the Camp Is Really Like

11. Is there a canteen? Can we send packages? What are the rules on visiting day?

These sound small. They tell you more about a camp's culture than the brochure does. Ask what parents send, and what the camp does about it.

We have no canteen and no packages. Forgot socks? Send socks. My accountant would love a canteen. It's not who we are.

12. How much of the day is sports? What if my kid isn't sporty?

A mom told me she wasn't sure a camp even existed for her son. Gentle, loves Legos, gets swallowed up by the bro-y crowd at school. Everything she heard about was sports-heavy.

Good answer: an honest split, and who the cool kids are.

How I answer it: About a third sports now. Everyone plays one low-key sport a day, gym-class level. The cool kids aren't always the best athletes. The kid who builds the best egg drop gets to be cool too.

Ask Yourself First

13. Is my kid ready, or are we too late?

I get asked this more than anything else. Ask yourself before you ask a director.

Can your kid do a sleepover without crying through the night? How do they do at day camp? At school?

Then see what the director asks you. A good one asks a lot of questions back.

And be honest about who isn't ready. A lot of the time the kid is more ready than the parent. That's okay. One mom told me she and her husband cried for days the first summer. She's so glad she did it.

I wrote more on this in What's the right age to come to camp?

On the Tour

Skip the high ropes demo. You don't need to see someone on the high ropes course to get it. You're checking whether kids are known by name.

• Does the director know the kids' names?
• Do the counselors?
• Do kids run up to talk to someone new?
• Are the kids having fun with the counselors, or in spite of them?

The Last Question

Back to the mom who asked what else she should be asking.

I told her that once you're looking at camps in the same price range, they'll all be safe and they'll all have nice facilities. Choose based on the families who pick that camp and the vibe you get from the director. You're picking a community.

So the last question is one you ask yourself. Is this the person I want my kid looking up to all summer?

You got this,

Jack

P.S. Want to talk through the camps on your list? Text me at 585-451-5141.