Your staff don't have to suck at tough conversations
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It’s all about kids today
One of the first tough camper conversations I can really remember was with Rocco.
And if you’re picturing a 9-year-old named Rocco, my bet is you have the image pretty close to the reality. He was a Rocco through and through.
Rocco was normally a great kid, but by his third week at camp, something shifted. He started wilding out - ignoring staff, being loud, disruptive. It was getting to be a rough time.
I called a group chat with his cabin. We’re all seated in a circle, talking about how things were going totally sideways. And Rocco, totally seriously, says: “Well, last week there were nine kids in the cabin. This week there are eleven. So I can’t listen anymore.”
I raised an eyebrow and just said, “Really, Rocco? You’re saying two extra kids are why you can’t listen? Really? Are you really saying that?”
He paused. He laughed. We all did. And just like that, we reset.
No shaming. No dramatic consequences. Just a gentle reality check that worked because it came from a place of connection, not correction.
The Conversation Gap
One tough thing about running a camp is that most of our staff are 18-ish-year-olds who’ve never had to lead a hard conversation. They’ve never initiated one. They’ve barely been on the receiving end of one done well. So it’s kind of this total unknown for when they have to happen with campers.
That’s why behavioral issues often go one of two ways at camp:
Staff ignore the problem until it escalates
Staff overreact with consequences that damage relationships
And each situation is different, dealing with each and every thing that comes up at camp will never have some super elegant and perfect system. But giving staff a framework to start with or fall back on gets us a heck of a lot further than just saying something like, “Please do better!”
(BTW, ask me later about my rugby coach yelling at us - “BE MORE ATHLETIC!!!”)
The Three Essential Conversations
1. The Call-In (Public, Gentle Redirect)
This is your eyebrow-raising moment. The mid-activity, respectful correction that doesn’t make a big deal out of minor issues.
How it sounds:
“Rocco… really?”
“Come on, bud.”
A raised eyebrow and slight smile
Walking over and gently tapping a shoulder while keeping the activity going
The Call-In preserves the flow of the activity while giving a kid the chance to self-correct without any shame. It’s perfect for minor disruptions, side conversations, or momentary testing of boundaries.
Many times, the Call-in does the job, and we all go about our camp day. Boom. Over.
But when the Call-in doesn’t do the trick, we go to…
2. The Pull Aside (Private, Short 1-on-1)
For when something’s just a little more than nothing, but not quite a b-i-g thing. This conversation follows a simple structure I call K.I.D.:
Kind → Approach with genuine care
Immediate → Address it soon after it happens
Discreet → Never correct in front of peers
Start with a for real “How are you doing?” before launching into your feedback.
Then use the 3 F’s:
Facts: “This is what I saw.” (No interpretations or assumptions)
Feelings: “Here’s how I felt watching it happen.”
Future: “Here’s what I need to see going forward.”
This KID + 3Fs structure works because it:
Shows you care about the camper, not just their behavior
Provides clear feedback without triggering defensiveness
Offers a path forward instead of dwelling on the problem
When you’ve KID’ed and 3F’ed it, so many issues are now handled, but just in case we might have to rock…
3. The Group Chat (Structured Circle Conversation)
When the whole cabin or group needs a reset, this structured conversation brings everyone together to re-establish expectations.
How it works:
Gather the group calmly. Pick up the Gaga ball, sit on the benches, or use something to signal “this is serious but safe.”
State the facts without accusation: “Right now, we’re not keeping each other safe.”
Connect it to your role: “My job is to make sure that happens.”
Provide a clear path forward: “Here’s what we need to do from here.”
The key is speaking clearly and calmly while rooting the conversation in care: “I’m here to help you have fun and stay safe.”
Training That Sticks
The reality is that most staff default to either silence or sarcasm when faced with challenging behaviors. I know young camp counselor Jack did just this.
Neither builds trust. That’s why these conversations need to be practiced, not just explained.
What I’m working on for staff training this summer:
Demonstrate all three conversations with specific examples
Create scenarios based on real past camper situations (like Rocco)
Have staff role-play in small groups, practicing tone and language
Debrief by asking: “What do you think the camper needed in that moment?”
When staff can answer that last question, they’re starting to think beyond behavior management to relationship building. And when that happens, these convos land so much better.
Language Is Leadership
The reality is that most of you do these kinds of things “naturally”. You’ve had these conversations 1000s of times, but our staff haven’t.
Sometimes, giving things labels makes it a shared language for coaching them, and then that language trickles down to their own conversations (when you aren’t around! Win!). And it gives staff a way to categorize situations with tools in their toolbox to remember when (not if) things come up.
When kids know what to expect from our conversations, they’ll be treated with respect even when they mess up. And then they trust the person in charge.
That’s what happened with Rocco. That eyebrow raise and gentle reality check worked because he knew I cared about him, not just his behavior. The conversation respected his intelligence while holding him accountable.
Most importantly, it preserved our relationship, which is the foundation of any meaningful growth at camp.
It’s not always this easy, but with some basic frameworks, the tough conversations get way, way easier over the long term.
And yeah, sometimes we’ll get something like a, “I can’t listen because there are two more kids” excuse (which admittedly was pretty creative).
With a plan in place our staff can handle it without their brain short-circuiting into either ‘ignore it’ or ‘call their parents’ mode.
Look, Rocco’s are gonna Rocco. The question is whether your staff is ready to Rocco (Ba-dum-tss) and roll with it.
You got this,
Jack
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It’s all about kids today
Jack Schott
Summer Camp Evangelist