How to Choose a Sleepaway Camp: What 500 Camps Taught Me

A mom on a call with me last month said this about the camps she was looking at:

"All the websites like kind of look nice. And yeah, they all look the same, right?"

She's right. I told her so. Once you're in a certain price range, we all basically look the same. A lake, a ropes course, kids hugging on the last day.

So here's how to choose a sleepaway camp when every website looks alike.

Full disclosure: I own a camp in New Hampshire, and I'll tell you about it at the end. I've also visited more than 500 camps across 47 states. I've seen what's behind a lot of those websites.

The Short Answer

Once you're in a price range, the camps all look the same. Pick the director you'd trust, the families you'd want around your kid, and the camp where kids like yours thrive.

To choose a sleepaway camp, use the basics to rule camps out. Then decide on what no brochure can show you. Meet the director, get to know the families, and ask what kind of kid does well there.

Start With the Basics

Every guide online gives you this list. It matters, so check it fast:

• Is the camp accredited by the American Camp Association?
• How old are the counselors, and how many kids does each one have?
• Is there a nurse or doctor on site?
• How many staff come back each year?
• What does it cost, and is there financial aid?

If a camp can't answer these clearly, cross it off.

But the list won't pick your camp. Plenty of camps pass every line of it. That's where most parents get stuck.

Is My Kid Ready for Sleepaway Camp?

Parents ask me this more than anything. I keep it simple. Did they do the step before it?

A kid who's done three days at grandma's is ready for three weeks at camp. A kid who hasn't should probably do that first. I wrote a whole piece on that ladder, 3 minutes, 3 hours, 3 days.

Nervous is normal. Every kid is a little nervous. A kid who flat out says "I don't want to do this" is a different thing, and that's worth listening to.

And if it's not the right year, you wait a year. Or you make a different plan. Nobody loses.

Bob Ditter wrote a piece for camp directors on how to tell when a kid is ready. He warns that a kid who goes before they're ready can come home feeling like a failure. Waiting a year is the kinder call.

There's no one right length, either. We have third graders who come for the whole summer and 10-year-olds who come for half. Whatever the length, it takes the first 72 hours for a kid to figure out all the weird little nuances of camp. Then they make a friend, and it's the best place on the planet.

If you're worried about the homesick phone call, I made a short video on what's really going on.

If you want more on readiness, start here: Is my kid ready for camp?

Meet the Director

If you get a good vibe from the director, you're 99% of the way there.

That sounds like a sales line from a camp director. It's also just true. The director hires every counselor and sets the culture.

So get on the phone. Then do the thing most parents skip and bring your kid.

Going to camp is scary. It's like going to college, except instead of being 18, you're 9. Let your kid see the director's face. They'll tell you on the drive home if that guy seemed like too much, or if he seemed kinda regular.

Kinda regular is good.

Choose the Families

The most important choice about camp isn't the activities or the facilities. In your price range, every camp is going to have a nice lake and a good dining hall.

What you're choosing is the families who choose the camp. Your kid will spend the summer with their kids.

Two rules tell you a lot about those families. Ask about packages. At some camps, parents who love their kids send the whole bunk matching Lululemon. Then ask about the Visiting Day rules.

A first-year camper told me why he picked our camp:

"I wanted a friends camp, not a stuff camp."

He figured it out faster than most adults do. (If you're after a camp that isn't crunchy and isn't all sports, I wrote about that too: Is there a normal summer camp?)

If you went to camp, there's one more family to think about. Yours. A mom told me about touring the camp she grew up at, the one she always assumed her kids would go to:

"After leaving it, I sort of had this pit in my stomach of like, I don't think it's the right camp for them... it like hurts, but I know it's right for my kids and I can't like force them to live my life."

Your camp might be perfect for your kid. Just make sure you're choosing for them. Christina Katz wrote a whole piece on this for Arizona Parenting, about parents reliving their own summers through their kids.

Big Camp or Small Camp

This one doesn't get talked about enough.

As camps get bigger, the real grownups become more like principals and less like counselors. At a camp with 500 kids, the director gives speeches at assemblies and kids might wave. They're not sitting at the kids' table at lunch. They can't, at that size. I wrote more about that in Small camp vibes.

Big camps can be great. For the alpha kids, the ones who walk into any room and own it, a big camp can be the best summer of their life.

For a lot of the rest of us, it's nice to have a small camp. A mom explained it to me about her son and a big day camp he'd tried:

"It's sort of like a machine, and he doesn't do well with a machine."

Sometimes a kid needs a real grownup. The bigger the camp, the harder it is for the grownups to notice every kid who needs one.

For the record, ours is small on purpose, so every kid is known by name and no one gets lost in the shuffle.

What Should I Watch for on a Camp Tour?

Most tours show you the lake, the cabins, and the ropes course. You won't choose a camp because of any of that.

You'll choose it because of the kids you meet and the way it feels when you're standing there. So watch the people.

Do the counselors know the kids' names? Do kids run up and talk to somebody new, or do they stick to their own? Are the kids having fun with the counselors, or in spite of them?

If you can, see a regular day. The big events are great, and every camp will tell you about theirs. I wrote this in July, and I still think it's the best test there is:

The way you really know camp has taken hold for a kid is a plain Monday, nothing special on the schedule, and the kid glad to be there anyway.

That's from Best case of the Mondays.

Questions to Ask a Camp Director

These come from questions real parents have asked me, plus the ones I'd ask if I were you. Ask every camp. Ask us too.

The one I'd never skip is the first. On a scale of one to ten, how competitive is camp? You're asking how many of the parents are going to be yelling at the ref.

And ask the second one out loud. A good director will tell you who doesn't do well there. If they say every kid loves it, keep asking. NJ Family has a good list of questions built around the same idea. Ask the director to describe the kid who thrives there, then compare that kid honestly to yours.

Understood.org has a good list too, including one I love: did you fire any counselors last year?

How Do I Choose Between Two Great Camps?

A mom put her biggest worry plainly:

"My concern is more finding the right camp than anything else."

Let me take the pressure down a little. If you've done all this, you're probably choosing between two awesome options.

That's a good problem. And it's more common than you'd think.

Here's my tiebreaker. Ask yourself which director will inspire your kid and connect with them. Who would be a great older cousin, uncle, or aunt in their life?

Pick that one.

Also, all the camp directors are friends. If you want a vibe check on any camp, even if it isn't mine, text me. I know a lot of camps.

Full Disclosure

I own Camps Kenwood & Evergreen, a brother-sister camp in Wilmot, New Hampshire. It's a traditional camp, and I think it's a great one.

It's not the only great camp. Ask every camp you're looking at these questions.

See Camps Kenwood & Evergreen

You got this,

Jack

P.S. If you want to talk through camps for your kid, text me at 585-451-5141.

Related: Sending your kid to sleepaway camp is harder on you. That's normal.